Men at Work

            Wasn’t that the name of some shitty band?

Well again, like I have said I don’t want to shit where I eat.  I don’t plan on shitting anywhere at my new place of work, but I mean, some of these guys I wouldn’t mind a tumble with if you know what I mean.

            Lets talk about some of them shall we?

            I work on a campus type establishment complete with men.  Lots of men.  Older men; younger men; white men; black men (I’ll pass, but I didn’t want to sound like I was a hater).  Anyways, there are all kinds of men frolicking around on this campus. 

            There are some that could be interesting.  For instance there is one guy that is lovely to look at.  His eyes are extremely blue and he has a nice looking physique.  And I know for a fact that he weighs 197 pounds because he came into my job to use a scale and told me he was heavy.  (For a man to weigh that, I don’t think it’s a problem.  But whatever.  Apparently he has a weight complex thing going on.  I personally couldn’t handle a man with a weight problem because that’s a woman’s arena if anyone’s).  But anyways, he is handsome and he kind of reminds me of a Ken Doll.  He is a lovely creature to look upon.  So I can pull my whole black widow thing and fuck and leave.  If I wanted it to spread all over work, I can deny deny deny.

            Conversation on the phone when he calls…

Me- “Hello, its ‘Name’ how can I help you?

KenDoll- “Hey, its KenDoll, bla bla bla… Can I bring him in?”

(Me batting my eye lashes) “Of course you can, KenDoll.”  You should probably bring him in yourself so I can stare at you like a creep.  Thanks.  Can you feel my eye lashes through the phone?  Because they’re moving so fast that my papers are flying. 

            Upon starting this job my friend at work, whom I will dub Jenkins, told me not to get involved with any of the guys on campus because they all have banged the girls on campus.  Kind of like a sess pool of naughtiness.  Kind of like a smaller version of Onion Town, but without the inbreeds.  I don’t need any kids coming out deformed with a hand protruding from its forehead or some shit.  (But I guess beggers cant be choosers because I clearly don’t have children, and getting knocked up was my New Years Resolution).  Whatever.

There are some guys here that are fun to flirt with.  I mean they are the furthest things from my type, but the shit they say is hysterical.  OH!  One of the supervisors is sexy as shit.  He is known on campus as The Campus Brad Pitt.  And that’s not even close to being an exaggeration.  This man is beautiful.  He is tall with black hair and green eyes, a perfectly chiseled jaw line.  He is the type of man that people stop what they’re doing and watch him to walk on by.  Unfortunately he is taken (not married or engaged but taken!)  Don’t mean shit.  (But again, I am a lot of things.  One of them is not a home wrecker.  I would never). 

            Who else?  Who else? 

            There is another one that works here who is cute in a…. just a cute kind of way.  He plays hockey.  He has lighter hair and darker eyes (don’t know exactly the colors I am working with here).  But he is very nice and he actually has a sense of humor.  See a lot of these men here don’t have one of those and I like to laugh.  Shit, I love to laugh.  And honestly, we all know that I am hysterical, ergo I need someone who is going to laugh at me and with me.  I don’t want someone who is a complete stick in the mud that doesn’t like to laugh at funny shit. 

            Which leads me to a random question; should I do stand up?  I have been thinking about doing stand up and kind of reiterating the Naked Nap.  Only I can throw more jokes out there and make it completely absurd and out of hand.  Sometimes, I don’t know why, I think I am funnier after I have posted this shit.  Kind of like a comeback after a fight when you think, “DAMNIT!  I should have called her a dirty whoremonger!  Why did I call her a jerk face?!”  Ya know, something like that.

            I should plan something for some of my work people to go out to better get to know them.  I mean, why not?  I wouldn’t mind making more friends here, but according to my pal I work with, and am friends with outside of work, you can’t be friends with the opposite sex on this campus because then rumors fly and shit gets out of control.  But I mean, in all honesty, that’s nothing new in my life because according to everyone else in my life I am banging the balls off of like 7 people right now.  What’s a few more!?