Girls Night Out

            I love awkward conversation in the morning when I am walking out to my car after being a dirty stay out.

            Mase, “so, whatcha doing later?”

            Me, “Oh, you know, going out with the girls for dinner, drinking classy things, and looking for a sucka to buy us some drinks.”

            “You are out of your mind.”

            “This is why we get along.”

            (Laughs and shakes his head) “Well have fun tonight.  I’ll talk to you later.”

            “Bye Boo Bear.”

            (Shakes his head again and turns around in anger because he HATES being called Boo.  I do it strictly to piss him off…  I think it works).  Anywho… Later that night with the gals…

 I now celebrate the day of my birth for weeks.  This year the birthday thing was awesome; we went out and danced like whores and drank very classy wines, and ate tapas (which I think were the best tapas I have ever had in my life… I feel so worldly when I do something involving ethnic foods and wines). 

On the way to the restaurant, Rae was driving me and Reg around (which we owe her big time for BTW) and we like to sing our own versions of songs that we hear on the radio or play on the iphones.  Typically they are about people or places or bad things.  Reg has a knack for it really.  So we continue singing our songs and we roll up into the tapas joint.  Oh, awesome, you don’t take reservations?!  And there is an hour wait?!  That’s cool, we can drink elsewhere for now.

            Imagine this; me, Reg, Sav, Cheese, and Rae are all sitting around a table, we order up two bottles of wine and start the night.  Cheese pre-games the pre-game party, so she was feeling groovy.  Rae, Reg, Sav and myself all poured big girl glasses of wine (which was lovely) and proceed to catch up to Cheese.  The waiter comes over and asks us if we wanted anything to eat as he places baskets of bread and dipping oils in front of us.  I think he was thinking that we were actually staying there for dinner.  Ha, loser.

“I think we’re just going to drink for now,” Cheese answers.

“Were going to drink your wine and eat your free bread then were out of here,” I whisper to Sav.

“We are so fucking classy,” Sav whispers back.  “Oh, by the way, did I tell you I got into a fight the other night at the Tiki?”

Silence falls over the table and Reg interjects, “I’m sorry, wait Cheese, I think I just heard Sav say that she got into a fight at the Tiki.”

Typically, it’s a normal night out at the Tiki if one gets into a fight in the alley.

“Yea,” Sav starts, “just another typical night.  Danced like a whore, my husband didn’t care because it was date night and he was going to get laid anyways, and so I'm out there dancing and one of my husbands friends told the guys I was dancing with to get away from me.  Long story short, the bar cleared out into the alley and the boys I was dancing with got their asses kicked.  Then we were going to walk home and my husband wanted to have sex on the way… outside!”

“Sounds like an awesome date night!” I say.  “Did you have sex outside?”

“Fuck no!  There were people!”

“OK?”

“Not to mention it was about 7 degrees.”

“True.  I don’t have sex outdoors in the winter.  I mean its bad enough I don’t like shaving my legs because it’s cold, but it would grow immediately upon removing the pants.  Ya know?”

“Exactly.”

“Guys,” Rae says, “we have to go!  The hostess told us to be back at 7:15.  It’s now 7:13.”

“Yea,” Cheese interjects, “if they give away our fucking table heads will roll.  I am in no mood for their shit!”

I love my friends.  I love how the conversation goes from stealing bread and oil from the restaurant were sitting in, to a bar fight, to outdoor sex and the lack of shaving, to being late for a non-reservation, then heads rolling.  I mean I fucking love it!

We go back to the tapas place and are immediately seated and judged for being loud with purple teeth and mouths.  Do we care?  Nope!  We order about 7 different tapas dishes and drinks and start taking pictures of each other because it’s funny.  (I am also going to throw in there that I effing love girl’s nights out!  It’s so rare these days!). 

            “Do I have beef in my teeth?” I asked.

            “BAHAHA!  I don’t think so!” Sav answers.

            Found out later in the bathroom with Sav that there was in fact beef in my teeth, but I digress.  After dinner we decided to go to another bar, complete with band and dance floor.  Yet another one of the reasons I love my girls.  We are loud, old bitches that don’t give a fuck and like to dance like whores every chance we get.  And we like beer.  Were kind of like men in women’s bodies.  If men danced and likes to look pretty every once in a while.

We hung out and danced and basically made fools of ourselves for majority of the night.  But we didn’t care!  We were having a great time.  I feel as though there were so many things that were said and done that I am going to forget all the pertinent details and leave something out that was utterly hysterical!  But I don’t know… moving on.

            We are primed and ready to go and were dancing and drinking, and its really fucking loud in the bar with the band blasting out the speakers so after 3 bottles of wine and about 5 beers each, we decide to relocate to OPH for something a little more quiet. 

            Who is there but Mase?  Why not.  Were hammered and it’s not a big deal.  He comes over to us and he’s standing with us, and I don’t know whether or not I should introduce him to Sav because I don’t know if it would be weird because were kind of under wraps and we aren’t publicly affectionate.  I lean in and whisper to him about my nephew (whom I have mentioned to him a few times) and tell him who Sav is.

            “Do you want me to introduce you?”

            “Well, I mean, I am waiting,” he answers.

            Introductions bla bla bla…

            Then it was time to go home because it was a rough night.  Sav and I planned to have a sleep over.  Yes, we were making big plans for the night because we haven’t had a sleep over in years.  Just her and I anyways. 

            We walked in my house, giggling like little children, walking on our tippy toes and covering our mouths with our hands.  I grab two beers from the cooler, which are now beer slushies because they kind of froze.  We make big bowls of stew, eat, smoke and sit in my bed gossiping and talking about things. 

            “I think Mase is hot!”

            “Yea, I think so too,” I answer her.

            “No, I mean like, he’s hot.  And I think he digs you.”

            “He digs me enough to have sex with me… so yea, I guess he digs me a little.”

            “I think he could be the one.”

            I just laugh at this.

            “I don’t think so, Sav.”

            “Make it happen.”

            “I will do my best, Sav.”

            “So, you wanna cuddle?”

            “You know it!  You wanna be the big spoon or the little spoon?”

            “I’ll be the soup spoon and you can be the teaspoon.”

            This is how a typical night goes for us.  I love it.  We have decided to do it once a month.  Which I am completely down for!  I love girl’s nights!  And I love my girls! 

            I just reread this and upon doing so I have come to the conclusion that the word ‘spoon’ is hysterical.  You are now thinking about the word ‘spoon’.  You’re welcome for the fact that now you are thinking about spoons and agreeing with me in that it is in fact a weird word.