Wonderful Morning

Last night I went out with Sando and one of my friends from work, who I also know outside of work   He happens to be the one that I make out with in bathrooms when were intoxicated.  But that happened a long time ago, and I am not trying to keep that one up.  So were sitting there and were bull shitting and such, and Mase tells me he is going to OPH to hang out for a second and I tell him, “well fancy that!  I am already here!”

            “OK, cool see you in a little bit then.”

            “Sounds good.”

            So there we all sit and were chatting about some things and in he walks.  Like I have said before, we aren’t affectionate in public so we proceed like we don’t know one another.  I am sitting next to my bathroom buddy and he is trying to get me to go to the bathroom with him and I am sitting there thinking, “Prooooobably not the best idea being that Mase is sitting right there.” (And I don’t want to make out in OPH bathroom ever again.  That was a long time ago and it was wrong on all levels, and it wasn’t with the bathroom buddy.  Different bar, different story). Anywho…

            I notice that he keeps looking at me and I feel myself getting red over it.  I am SO not the girl that blushes when someone looks at her, so I don’t know why I am blushing at this moment.  I mean, I don’t think I am one to blush, maybe I am?  I don’t know. 

            “Come on meet me in the bathroom,” I read off of my phone.

            “No,” I respond.

            “Why not?” he asks out loud.

            “Because I said so.”

            Now, all of my friends know I am hooking up with someone, but they (most of them, the boys anyways) don’t know who I am hooking up with.  Ergo, secrets are awesome among the girls.  But of course, Thad is one of the girls and he always has been, and he probably always will be.  I don’t think he is a great keeper of the secrets but he always knows things!  I just learn to get used to the fact.  Bathroom Buddy also knows about the man I am hooking up with, but again, he doesn’t know who.

            So were all sitting around and were drinking a little bit and he is pestering me to go to the bathroom with him.  I said, “no god damnit!”  At this moment, Mase gets up to go outside and I turn to BB and say, “you know how I am hooking up with someone?  Yea, well that’s him.  I don’t think it would go over well if we snuck off to the bathroom for a tryst.”

            “What are you doing?”

            “What do you mean what am I doing?”

            “He could probably kill you!”

            “I know, it’s exciting right?”

            “What do you see in him?”

            “I honestly don’t know, BB.”

            “You can do better!”

            “YOU can do better!  Shut up, he’s coming back inside.”

            Sando had decided she was going to go home, so she leaves and that leaves me BB and Mase sitting there.  Talk about an awkward turtle in the room!  So awkward is this turtle as it slowly moves along the room, judging.  It’s quite something when you look around the room and realize you have both A. slept with half the people and B. made out with the other half.  (For the most part, because that doesn’t include the bartender… or does it?  JUST KIDDING!).  But seriously. 

            Whatever, so we all leave, and as were walking out Mase asks me what I am doing.  I tell him, “Oh, you know, I have no plans.”

            “Wanna come over?”

            “Sure.”

            As if I would say no, right?! Never!  I would never turn down a night in with someone.  If that makes me a bad person, I don’t give a fuck.  And you shouldn’t judge.  (BTW).

            So we go back to the house and were chilling for a few minutes and talking and doing the normal thing that we do upon arrival.  Then the next thing I know, I am being pulled up onto his lap and were off!  So were going, and going, and going.  And, whew, were done.  (That makes it sound bad and boring, but its not bad and boring at all).  So we are lying in bed and were watching T.V for a little bit and Notorious comes on.  I think it’s a good movie, but he doesn’t want to watch it.  Unfortunately for him there is nothing else on because it’s around 3:30AM.  So were watching it, and I like to tease him because I am good at it so I start nuzzling his neck.

            “What are you doing?” he asks.

            “Nothing, what are you doing?”

            “You know I have no control when you do that right?”

            “So you have said.”

            Very quickly I found myself on my back again.  I swear, its insane to me that he can gear up that quickly right after finishing not 15 minutes before.  Am I complaining?  Not in the slightest, actually.  I am honestly astounded at the turn around rate.  But this wasn’t typical round 2 sex, which is the best round I feel.  It wasn’t hot and hard and fast.  It was slow and kind of sensual (if you will).  I mean he was looking into my eyes and shit. 

            What do I do when I am making awkward eye contact with someone?  I close my eyes, look away, and open them looking in another direction.  That’s my go to plan when in that situation.  So I do that!  Yes, I did it!  I didn’t get weirded out about the prolonged eye contact but it makes me think.  I am a fucking thinker!  Why would this happen with a fuck buddy?  Doesn’t shit like that usually happen with someone you’re in an intimate relationship with?  I mean, I don’t get it.  Am I over thinking this!?  I don’t know, I just don’t fucking know.

            Whatever, so it’s over again and we’re just talking about things and somehow marriage comes up.  I am not opposed to marriage, personally, but I don’t think its necessary either.  Think about it!  Why waste all that time and money and energy and shit on marriage when in fact nothing changes but a fucking name (and doing that shit is a pain in the ass as well) and you still love one another?  I don’t know.  If I wanted something like that I would write up my own personal marriage license and make it hysterical and sign it and frame it in front of my girl friends or something.  No need!  Kurt and Goldie, baby!  Never married yet one of the best and drama free relationships in Hollywood!  Why change it?!

            He agrees with my Kurt and Goldie theory.  Then we went upstairs and made a shit ton of finger foods and went downstairs and ate.  Probably not one of my most feminine moves, but fuck it, I was hungry and I like eating early morning! 

            The next morning we sleep late.  I get up first.  I got a new phone for my birthday so I am fiddling with it and learning how to listen to my voicemails.  I see that I have a voicemail from Guy #1 that was on there that I had never heard somehow.  I play it and it states this: “Hey ‘Name’ its me.  I guess you’re sleeping.  I apologize for being fucked up in the head right now.  But I guess that’s how shit goes.  I’ll call you tomorrow babe.”

            I don’t know how this message has been lost in my voicemails for months, but it has.  And it’s weird.  I also found 3 saved ones from the Ex that for some reason I cant bring myself to delete.  Why?  I have no reasons.  I am a pathetic human?  Maybe?  I don’t know.  Loser jerk ass face. 

            I get up to leave and Mase tells me he will call me later.  I pull down the road and am about to turn to make a left towards my house when who is pulling out of the bank directly in front of me?  Guy #1.  WHY THE FUCK NOT?! 

            This isn’t happening right now, is it?  Oh, oh yes it is!  I am being punished for trying to not be obsessed with him!  Fucking punished!  I immediately text Reg and tell her the story and she comes back with this, “OMG, is it more of a sign that I was just singing my song about him?”

            “OMG!  Whats going on today!?  It’s before noon!”

            “I don’t know!”

            “Fail all around!”

            Fuck it!  Nothing I can do about it.

            I texted Sav later in the day asking her opinion about the whole eye contact thing with Mase…

            “Sav, what does it mean when a fuck buddy looks directly into your eyes during sex?  I mean, for an elongated period of time?”

            “He thinks of you than more than a fuck buddy.”

            We don’t even kiss good-bye in the morning!  Or at all after we wake up!  He can’t think that.

            “Oh no!” I say to her.

            “Well that’s what he thinks, so get over it!”

            “My vagina is a man eater.”

            I think it really is though.  I mean, I guess I am that good that people just fall right in love with me.  I should come with a fucking warning label or something because this happens to me.  A few times actually.  What can I say?  I was blessed with a lovely vagina and big boobs and I think I am halfway decent to look at.  I mean, I don’t know.  I think the only conclusion that I can come to is this: sleep with everyone and pick the richest one and opt for the Kurt and Goldie: A Personal Saga.