The
other night was my first night in the clinic. As in my new job, you know, the one that moved me home from
warm and sunny and warm North Carolina?
Yes, that one.
Whatever. I call Sando as I
am walking out and we decide to go to the Watering Hole because that’s what we
do when its 10pm and there is nothing to do the following morning. (BTW, my wine-only diet is slowly
fading back into my beer only diet, which means I need to start doing some sit
ups) But moving on…
So
we sit down and were bull shitting about our days and how work was and bla bla
bla and in walks a pack of biker men.
Now, bikers (depending) do the same thing for me that firemen do. (I think it’s more of a Jax Teller
thing ya know?) We know some of
these guys so were all chatting.
OH! Backtrack for a moment. I have another sperm donor for my dry
and cracking eggs. We have both
agreed that there will be zero relations other than to have babies because
being like Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell is definitely more my speed. Ya know, no papers with deathly
signatures of doom. Just
relationship without the licenses and paperwork. Who needs that shit!?
It’s the most expensive shit and most likely, it will end in a divorce
or infidelity. Moving on…
Chatting,
chatting, chatting and were all chatting some more. I was talking to one of these sexy men in particular and we
were talking about sex. Why not
right? It’s hysterical and I have
opinions on the matter.
“Blow
jobs are rated on a scale of 1-10 really.
Depending on how much you like or don’t like a person. Depending on if you know this
person. Depending on whether or
not you want to get yours.
Gotta
start out at a 4. Let them know
you know whats up but not being over anxious with it. Right? You
don’t wanna jump right to the 10 spot and basically say to him, I am a filthy blowjob-giving
mongrel. No. Start at a 4 and progress.”
I
had heard something similar in a movie I recently saw. Hysterical movie, and I totally agree
with her in having a blowjob 1-10 list.
No one likes doing it.
“They don’t call it a
job for nothin’” -Samantha
Jones. SATC.
Sando and I find ourselves in a
strange predicament. Were both talking
with him and whatnot. So we decide
to rock-paper-scissor for him.
HAHA! Writing it and
re-reading it sounds hysterical! Who
does that?! Who the fuck
rock-paper-scissors for something/someone anymore. What are we, 9?!
Anyways, she won, and that’s the
end of the blog…
But seriously, she won and I lost
and I don’t think I will be rock-paper-scissoring for a human being ever
again. I need to step up my game
and learn my opponents before hand dueling.
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