It has been more than one month since I have seen a
penis. Do you know how much this
A. Fucks up my blog. (At least
something is getting fucked around here).
B. Sucks in general. And C. I don’t happen to have a C because I think we all know how
fucked up my situation and lack of sex is. So moving on…
Lets
backtrack a second and cover whats been going on down here in the land of
unattractive men. Unfortunately
for me all my old haunts are haunting me.
Which, I guess isn’t a bad thing but being 600 miles away makes it
shitty.
I
had a sex dream the other night. I
happen to love sex dreams because they’re the closest things I have had to the
real thing in more than a month, obviously. But this one was weird. And I remember alllll the details, which is awesome. Typically these are the only dreams I
do remember. So I have something
to hold on to throughout the day, which causes frequent underwear changes.
So,
in my dream there was Jeff. And a
lot of my other friends. We were
all on a cruise ship for a wedding or something. I had a date and he was there with a friend. I was stunned y the fact that he was
even at this wedding because we don’t run in the same circles. But whatever. So as the wedding goes on Jeff and I were hanging out. We got into it in one of the cabins of
the ship. I ditched my date for
him and lo, the frigging cruise ship crashes into the banks of this shallow
watery inlet. I go flying out
there and he leaves me! Then my
phone rings and I wake up. I
remember being pissed about being left, but happy that I didn’t have to see
myself get angry.
I
wake up and grab my phone. I look
to see one of my friends is calling, so I pick it up and we chat for a few then
I see I have a few texts. Oddly
enough one is from Jeff!
“I
like turtles.”
“Weird
that you should text me. You were
in my dream.”
“Oh?”
“Yea,
so weird.”
“Well,
what happened?”
I
tell him the story then say, “Thanks for pulling a Rose on me! There was room for two on that damn
door!”
“Couldn’t
risk it.”
Then
we go on to talk about a picture of an Asian kid in leopard tights and a purple
shirt that I had sent him. He
tells me its terrible, but he likes it all the same.
“Your
terrible!”
“HAHA,
how about I smack you,” he says.
“Don’t
get all provocative 600 miles away!”
“Making
you moist am I?”
“Ohh,
baby, you have no idea hahaha.”
Now,
why is it that this fool texts me most days and has something smart to
say? It makes me wonder whats
going on in his fool head. He
knows I plan on coming home soon, but I wonder why and if he is waiting or
something. Not that I mind him
waiting. Honestly, I don’t like
being single. And he seems like a
lovely boyfriend type. I guess we
will see how that one goes.
I
have heard nothing from any of my other guys (HAHA) and that’s fine with
me. I guess it’s preferable
really. I don’t have to deal with the shit that is their shit.
I
have gotten off track though…
In
parting, lets just say that I need to have sex and I need to have it soon. My vibrator shit the bed, so I am
literally shit out of luck until I either find a man or two, or invest in a new
vibrator. Which is probably going
to be my option.
How
frustrating this is!
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