I
haven’t seen a penis in over a month.
I think I said that in a previous post, but I think it’s serious enough
to reinstate it! ONE (plus weeks)
WHOLE MONTH! Could you imagine?!
I
heard somewhere once that if you don’t have sex for an elongated period of
time, it’s like becoming a virgin again.
(Minus the whole “barrier” thing).
So I guess I am on the road to chastity. I might as well get a frigging chastity belt and live my
life shitting in my iron underwear.
Terrible. Terrible.
Aside
from not meeting any men and working like a slave, I have taken up eating at
midnight as a filler for lack of dick.
It dawned on me last night as I was lying in my bed wishing my vibrator
worked and doing the whole, “wait 10 minutes” thing so avoid eating, that I
have to either eat or screw. (I
will say 2 things right now… 1. I
did NOT eat anything last night because I HAVE to stop eating at odd hours due
to getting fat, and 2. Let me
explain about the ten-minute rule.
If you are hungry at a bad time, you know, like eating 28 minutes after
you finished dinner, wait ten more minutes and see if you are still
hungry. However, after another ten
minutes if you are STILL hungry, wait another ten minutes. THEN! After another ten, just fucking give up and eat something
because you have ZERO self control!)
Unfortunately
for me, I am not screwing anyone at the moment because there is no potential
here, and there is no one I am interested in. I know, I know, I shouldn’t be so picky about having sex
with randos, but I am! I mean, I
DO write a sex blog, which means I should be banging people left and right, but
I don’t think I want to have hick sex.
Sorry, us Yanks have SOME standards.
Screw
writing a sex blog, I should write a food blog. After all, I know more about food at the moment than I do
about sex because IM NOT HAVING ANY!!
Wanna
know something pathetic? Last
night while I was laying here thinking about lack of penis, and broken
vibrators, I googled Sex Toy stores in this town. Lo, there are none!!
I then googled the surrounding areas and again, I can’t find one! But here it is… If I were to find one
could I bring myself to walk in, buy a big old vibrator, and walk out with any
dignity? I wonder if the
distributors judge those who buy sex toys. Why work in such a place if you’re going to judge?! Please, if I worked in a place like
that I would be experimenting with most of the toys and lubes and fun-ness and
I would promote the shit out of it!
Cookies,
pasta, chicken, veggies, and English muffins are a few of the things that I
like to eat in the middle of the night.
Oh! And cheese
quesadillas. I should just replace
my food repertoire with wine or some other kind of supplement that will knock
my ass out so I don’t eat everything in sight.
Long
story short, I NEED PENIS!! P IN
THE V…. ASAP! (HAHA! That rhymed).
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