Date Night

       

        Apparently this conversation with the ever-elusive Jeff has in fact come to a head.  He did wind up doing the whole, “wait for a day and a half then text her” thing.  Which is fine, and honestly, I wasn’t expecting him to call me from the second he entered a “new contact” into his phone.  That would be a little much I think.  Stage 5 clinger type shit.  (I hope he isn’t a clinger…  That could get hectic).

         Moving on…

         So I get this message as I am sitting at the car wash with Reg.  His ears must have been ringing because we were just discussing him and why he hasn’t called me yet.  Sure as shit my phone does its little text message ringing noise and I look down to see a random number.  This has to be it!  (Can I just interject in my own story and say that as I sit here recanting yesterday thinking about the events of my afternoon, he just texted me again.  Its like he knows!!  WEIRD!!)

         It is Jeff. 

         “Hello there ‘name’.  I hope your having a lovely afternoon.  This is Jeff by the way.  Smiley face.”

         “I am enjoying myself thanks!  How about you?”

         “Wonderful!  You going to be hanging out tonight?”

         WOAH!  It was a Thursday!  I am in seclusion on Thursdays!  Meaning that Reg and me get shit can wasted and bull shit about life.  So, sorry Jeff, but no I am not around tonight.  As much as it pained me I wrote him something saying, “I am not too sure.”  So he doesn’t get turned off immediately, and maybe he will talk to me again without thinking I am just being a slick little bitch.  Right?  Right.

         “Well let me know what your up to when your done.  If you want to.  I might be around.  Smiley face.”

         “Sounds good!”

         A few hours go by.  Reg and I have been sitting on my porch pounding beers for the entire afternoon.  I know were not going anywhere.  But I decide it would be smart if I was to text Jeff and let him know that tonight, I am not moving from my porch.  It would be an unwise decision to operate heavy machinery!

         “Welp, were sticking to beers at my house.  Seclusion night!”

         “HAHA.  Who’s we?”

         “Sexy men obviously.  But seriously, just me and my gals.”

         “You had me at sexy men, you had to ruin it for me!”

         Bla bla bla.  We talk for a few more minutes and we come to conclusion that we're going to meet up the following night and hang out for a bit.  This is what he says;

         “Well, lets just meet up.  I’ll give you a big long hug, and once there is a smile on your face we’ll just figure it out from there.  Unless that’s not cool with you?”

         “I love hugs,” is my drunken and semi- giddy response to this.  (Don’t judge me, hugging is awesome.  In a kindergarten, daisy-popping kind of way.)

         Convo ends and we go our separate ways.  Mine is back to my beer and playing ass hole with Reg and Finny.  His is, I have no idea where.  Its left off as were going out tonight but we don’t know anything about where or time, or how, or what the fuck am I going to wear?!

         So on my walk I am talking to Cheese about it.  I tell her, ya know what, lets break from the norm and not sleep with him on the first date.  She asks me why would I not sleep with him on he first date.  Well, because that doesn’t really work out for me.  Not like I am trying to get wified up or anything, but you never know.  I don’t need to make the same mistakes I did with Guy #1.  I think it would be wise to not do anything to reckless tonight.

         “I mean, I would just sleep with him,” says Cheese.

         “I don’t think I'm going to do that.  I don’t need to be labeled as ‘that girl.’  Lets think back here, I slept with his friend.  His best friend.”

Then I slept with a kilted man in a bubble bath, a weird little man with an authority complex, Guy #1 who is just mind fucked all day every day.  I almost get night raped at a fucking wedding on Long Island.  And now I have a date with a nice guy who knows where I'm coming from after a long-term relationship ends.  I don’t think I want to mess up a potential good thing.  Not to mention I don’t want to shave my fucking legs.  Legs, vagina, and armpits.  I mean I am cleanly shaven at this moment, but you know, you go over it again then you get razor burn, then the entire operation is put on hold because you look like you have a venereal disease.  Ugh…  It’s just too much to think about right now.  I am not sleeping with him tonight and that’s final.

I need advice on what to do, what not to do.  If he wants a good night kiss do I let him?  Do we throw a little tongue in there?  And if yes, is it porno tongue or Sunday morning tongue?  How far do I let the flirtation go before I don’t feel like sitting around and I actually do want to go home with him?  Should I just re-shave?  It’s hot as hell outside; do I straighten my hair or leave it curly in a little bun?  Red lipstick?  There are so many decisions to be had.  I am sitting here calmly typing, but I don’t think I can go on with this!

I can see this being a lovely evening, but god damnit; the mental prepping is killing me!