Sweet Jesus

I hung out with Jeff night at his house.  Again, we watched the Olympics and chatted and what not.  Get this; he actually had the nerve to tell me that he would beat me in a kitchen cook off.  I laughed right in his face and told him to bring it on.  Then we were sitting on the couch and we were arguing over whether or not looking at the hand or elbow is more effective when giving a high five.  I say elbow, he says hand.  Then we played the slap hand game.  You know the one they play in Wedding Crashers?  Lets just say this; we both suck at the game and I quit after I got hit one time.  Moving on…

I was sitting on the couch on the end, he was sitting in the middle, and he does this thing where he inches towards me slowly.  But last night he wasn’t inching.  He gets up, goes to the other room and grabs his blanket then proceeds to lay on me.  Straight up lay on me.  His arms around my waist, his head on my lap, wrapped in his blanket.  Thanks for keeping me warm with your body heat (which is actually VERY warm) and not offering me an inch of blanket. 

“Want to get under the blanket?  Its really comfortable”

“I’m OK for right now, I am hot.”

“I know you are, Hun.”

Hun?  Interesting.  I can get into this. 

So were laying on the couch watching some ridiculous show about taxi cab drivers that have their fares open up to them about drugs and sex and their being gay or strippers.  It was weird, and then it turned into a porno.  Which was even weirder.  I think I was set up to watch the porn, but that’s neither here nor there.

It was about 12:45 when I was ready to head home.  I think he was sleeping on me, but I couldn’t move to see and I couldn’t tell if he was or not.  So I just kind of rubbed his back and shook him in a non-violent way. 

“Whatcha doing?” he asks me.

“I think I am going to head home.”

“You have to leave at 1.”

“Well, I just said I was leaving, and it’s before one.  Calm yourself.”

It sounded kind of like he was kicking me out so I of course got my smart-ass attitude thing going on.  I am a very sarcastic when I want to be.  Sarcastic as in, bitch.

“No, Hun, I mean you have to wait 15 minutes.  Leave at 1.”

“Oh.  OK.”

I lay back down, but this time I wriggle under the blanket right next to him and I am trying not to fall asleep there because I had to be up early in the morning for my nephew.  Come 1:05 I roll out from under the blanket and grab my belongings, step into my flip-flops and say I will talk to him later. 

He stands up to say good-bye.  But he didn’t say good-bye.

He put his arms around my waist and kissed my neck.  NOW!  I don’t know about other people, but I will say this; the nape of my neck is my sweet spot.  Sweet spot as in don’t touch it, don’t even look at it, because my knees buckle and I cant handle myself. 

“You probably shouldn’t do that to me.”

“Do what to you, Hun?”

I’m paralyzed.

He runs his fingers through my hair (which I actually brushed and had straight out of boredom) and moves his other hand down my neck.  Ugh.  I can dig that.  He plays that slow assault game on me and it drives me out of my mind in a very good way.  But god damnit!  I can't handle this more than 46 seconds, please stop this torture!

He takes my hand and pulls me on the couch where we proceed to make out and play the running hands game.  You know, the one where you don’t want to touch anything south of the border, but your going to graze it with the back of your hand juuuust to spark some interest.  You know that game?  I like that game.  I am a “Running Hand Game” All Star!  First place baby, yea!

“I thought you wanted to slow things down?” I say to him.

He didn’t say that in so many words, but he did elude to the fact that we have hung out 3 times and had sex each time.  No big deal.  Sex is sex. And guess what?  We’re grown ass people, we can do what we want.  Now lets do what I want, and jump on the bad foot to do the good thing.  Shhh… Don’t say anything else just get on with it!

“Well, I can’t help it when you’re here.”

Works for me!

Little did I know he was kind of a freak in bed.  News flash!  This whole fuck buddy thing just gets better and better!  He is a dirty talker, and personally I find that to be a turn on like no other.  Not dirty as in, “my bitch” or “you like that you dirty slut.”  (I felt weird just writing that, but whatever, shit happens).  Its dirty more like, “you like that baby” and “I am going to make you cum.”  Which I like!  Whatever, you can’t tell me it’s not a turn on!  Cause it is!

His one hand is all tangled in my hair, which is now a fucking rats nest, and the other hand his moving around.  Ugh!  I can’t even type this without feeling the urge to change my underwear hahaha.  I have to stop being vulgar, but fuck it; this is a sex blog is it not?! 

Were done, and were sitting on the couch, and I tell him, “I cant feel my face.”

“HAHA What?”

“It happens sometimes.”

“Why Hun?”

Smart-ass.  He knows why!  I mean, I tell him some random shit that girls probably shouldn’t tell guys, but I am NOT about to tell him that my face is numb because of the orgasm that occurred not 3 minutes ago.

“Don’t worry about it.”

HAHA.

Anyways, I get up to go again, and he walks me to the door.  But this time I was not suckered into staying for another round, which would have been awesome, but it was now 2am and I needed to get home.  On my drive home, I think it was the one drive I have taken after a sex-capade where I didn’t curse myself for being gross.  I just drove and sang along to the radio.

I like having a no strings sex buddy.  The trouble with them, however, is this; someone always gets attached.  I refuse to let it be me!